ITS FINALLY WARMMM!!!!!
I was sitting out in the sun today, (it was lovely) and I was dreaming about my past summer. Last summer was one I wont forget easily. I met a great guy, had my first kiss and actually ended up falling harder than I expected for him. Falling for someone scared the shit out of me, so of course I went and did something stupid (I macked on another guy). That messed things up a lot. But after4 months of not talking, I see summer guy again, and old feelings started to emerge.
I was at my friends bday party and we ending up grinding to one of my favorite songs (Tick Tock - Ke$ha). Later that night I see HIM macking on this girl, and I was sooo jealous! He didn't even like her! After that we started talking again, he said he was sorry, I said I was sorry, and we decided to try being together again. Then it was my turn to be hurt. He told me he's moving. FAR FAR FARRRR AWAY. I didn't know I could hurt that much. I cried for so long ( thank god I had my best friends with me!!). It felt like my heart stop beating and I was going to throw up. This guy is such a player and such a douche (he shall now be called Mega Douche ... MD for short? naww to close to his actual initials), he lead me on for maybe around 2 months! But for some weird reason I still have huge feelings for him ... whats wrong with me??
I'm trying to move on from Mr mega douche. And there's this guy I REALLLLLY like. He's a year younger than me, but omg he's sooo beautiful. He's really shy, so if anything could ever happen I would have to go make the first move. I'm an outgoing person, but when I'm around him I feel scared but excited and happy at the same time.
I'm so afraid to be happy. Whenever I get a little happy, its destroyed. I don't know if I should take the risk. Life is about putting yourself out in the open so you can explore, but what if I get hurt again? I spent a month trying to get over mega douche.
I'll say it. I want someone to love, and someone to love me. I don't think mega douche ever loved me or cared about me. That's why I'm afraid to put myself out there for this new shy guy.
My last boyfriend (right before I was heart broken by mega douche) never did anything. All he cared about was calling me his girlfriend. He was afraid to touch me, afraid to talk to me, terrified to argue with me. Lets just say I hate this kids guts now. I need someone I can have conversations with (not just about sex, or the weather). I want someone to do unexpected things, catch me off guard. I want someone who's not afraid to take risks and will have fun with me.
Every quality I just listed I think this new guy has. Yeah he might be a little shy but I can be shy too. I know for a fact that this kid has NO experience with girls too. He's gorgeous, but people don't really acknowledge it. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing when it comes to relationships, I'm afraid to talk to boys, but for this guy ... I'm gonna risk it all. He's gonna be worth it.
Now all I have to do is not scare him off ... :)? :S
Wish Me Luck
TTFN
Tinkerbell <3
No comments:
Post a Comment